I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
