I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
