He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
