He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
3pm strippers are depressing
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
