VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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