I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
