Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
