DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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