I wanna passion pit in your ass
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We're too hungover to prance.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
