Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
