You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
