dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
