my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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