I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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