I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
