i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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