Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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