Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
