Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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