After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
