one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
