A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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