so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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