I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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