I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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