i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
