and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
dude. I can hear the air.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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