Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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