piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
