First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
