I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
