you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
