ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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