remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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