so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
