You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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