Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
