Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
