i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
