Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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