yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
