one two three fourrrrnication!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Randomize
