I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
