my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
