It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
