i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
