So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
