the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
