I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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