"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
