I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
