Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
