They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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