I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
