My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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