You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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