Say something about gay babies.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize