why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
