The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
