her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
