What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
