I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
