mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
