i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
