New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
