just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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