Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
