quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
