we're blogging at a bar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
