Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
