i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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