if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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