Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
