this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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