He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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