You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
