bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
