My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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