im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
