thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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