Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
