smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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