feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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