i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
