and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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